The Question Is Not the Answer: A Rant About Overemphasising Questions in Negotiation

It seems every so-called negotiation “expert” out there loves to harp on about the importance of asking questions. They publish lists, guides, frameworks, even scripts, packed with “the best questions to ask in a negotiation.” And yet, here I am, rolling my eyes and wondering how we’ve missed the point so spectacularly.

Let me be absolutely clear: it is NOT the question that is important!

The brilliance of negotiation doesn’t lie in having a clever question up your sleeve; it lies in what comes next—the answer, the impact, and the direction the negotiation takes as a result. Questions are not magical incantations that bend the negotiation to your will. They are tools, and like any tool, their effectiveness depends entirely on the skill of the person using them.

The Real Question: Why Are You Asking It?

Here’s what winds me up the most: a skilled negotiator sees right through the question to the motive behind it. When a question is asked in a negotiation, the other party isn’t just thinking about what was asked—they’re thinking about why that question, at that moment, was asked. They’ll consider:

• What are you trying to uncover?
• What’s your intention?
• What does your question reveal about your position?

In this way, the question becomes less of a probe and more of a flashing neon sign advertising your strategy. If you don’t understand why you’re asking a question or what you’re going to do with the information you get, you’re handing power to the other party.

It’s About What You Do With the Answer

The emphasis on crafting “the perfect question” overlooks something fundamental: it’s not the question but the answer that matters. A skilled negotiator doesn’t just ask questions—they strategically plan for the responses they might receive. They’ve already mapped out:

• What the answer could reveal.
• How the answer might shift the negotiation.
• How to pivot based on that information.

If you’re obsessing over what to ask but haven’t considered what to do with the answer, then your so-called strategy is fundamentally flawed.

Beware the Wrong Questions at the Wrong Time

Now, here’s a critical point that most negotiation “experts” fail to grasp: sometimes, asking a question is the absolute wrong thing to do.

I call these micro-moments—those brief, often unnoticed junctures in a negotiation where the dynamics are fragile, and the wrong move can unravel everything. A prime example? Responding to a proposal with a question.

Why is this a mistake? Because asking a question in that moment achieves nothing but signalling uncertainty or stalling for time. Instead of maintaining control of the negotiation’s rhythm, you’re handing it to the other party. What should you do instead? Pause. Think. Consider. Respond deliberately—not reactively.

Mastery Lies in the "Why" and the "What"

If we’re serious about mastering negotiation, we need to stop worshipping at the altar of questionsand start focusing on the bigger picture. A true negotiation strategist doesn’t obsess over the phrasing of their questions. They’re already thinking about:

• Why they’re asking the question.
• What answers they might get.
• What those answers mean for their strategy.

Great negotiators don’t focus on the question—they focus on the purpose behind it and the action they’ll take based on the answer.

So, the next time you see yet another blog post or book chapter promising “the top 10 questions every negotiator should ask,” take it with a grain of salt...... The question is just a vehicle!

The real power lies in understanding why you’re asking it, what the answer will tell you, and how you’ll use that information to move the negotiation forward.

It’s time we stopped glorifying the question and started mastering the art of strategy.

End rant.