Negotiation Wisdom: Why Patience Is Your Greatest Asset

In this episode of The Negotiation Club podcast, Philip Brown sits down with Gene Killian, a lawyer and host of the Station-4-Negotiation podcast, to explore the art of patience in negotiations. Gene, who has extensive experience in both legal and business negotiation, emphasises that negotiation is less about gimmicky techniques and more about deep, thoughtful principles like patience. The conversation touches on the nuances of various negotiation tactics but firmly centres on the idea that patience is the most vital skill a negotiator can develop.

Key Discussion Points:

1. Techniques vs. Principles: Gene explains that while techniques such as mirroring and labelling (popularised by Chris Voss) can be useful, they risk coming off as artificial if overused. Instead, he advocates for developing core principles that underpin successful negotiation, the most important of which is patience. In business, patience enables deeper connections and stronger long-term relationships, unlike high-stakes FBI hostage negotiations where quick tactics might suffice.

2. Patience in Negotiation: Gene highlights that rushing through a negotiation often leads to missed opportunities. He uses the metaphor of trickle, flow, gush, borrowed from an FBI negotiator’s philosophy, to describe the gradual unfolding of a productive negotiation. He stresses that taking time to build rapport and understand the other party’s needs can unlock new options that weren't initially apparent.

3. Understanding the Other Side: A recurring theme in the discussion is the idea that negotiators must seek first to understand before seeking to be understood. Drawing from Stephen Covey’s principles of empathetic listening, Gene emphasises that patience is about not just waiting but actively engaging, asking thoughtful questions, and probing beneath the surface of a counterpart's statements to find out what really matters to them.

4. Reacting vs. Responding: Gene and Philip agree on the importance of responding rather than reacting. Patience, according to Gene, is not simply waiting but involves thoughtful responses instead of emotional reactions. In tense negotiations, stepping back to analyse why something was said rather than immediately reacting can prevent costly missteps.

5. Game Theory and Risk Analysis: Another fascinating point Gene brings up is how game theory applies to negotiation, especially when dealing with aggressive counterparts. When faced with aggressive negotiators, Gene advises making proportionate aggressive moves to re-establish balance, but only after careful analysis of the situation—again emphasising the need for patience.

Why Patience Matters:

Patience is essential because it allows negotiators to slow down, build rapport, and genuinely understand the other party's needs and interests. Rushing negotiations often leads to hasty conclusions and missed opportunities for creative solutions. Gene’s advice is simple yet profound: Don’t rush to the final offer. Take the time to explore all possibilities, as this will often lead to better outcomes.

Takeaways for Listeners:

• Practice Patience: In your next negotiation, focus on being patient. Resist the urge to rush through to the end.
• Build Rapport: Use small talk and gradual rapport-building as essential tools to strengthen your negotiation position.
• Understand First: Prioritise understanding the other side’s perspective before pushing your own agenda.
• Respond, Don’t React: Take the time to craft thoughtful responses instead of reacting emotionally in the heat of the moment.

For anyone interested in enhancing their negotiation skills, this episode underscores the power of patience and thoughtful engagement in achieving better results. Be sure to check out Gene Killian’s podcast, Station-4-Negotiation, for more insightful discussions on negotiation.