Negotiation Techniques:
How to Get the Other Party to Understand Your Position with the "In My Shoes" Technique
EXTRACTED FROM PODCAST EPISODE 13 - Mohammed Teleb
In this episode, we sat down with Mohammed Teleb, a global commercial director and negotiation practitioner, to delve into advanced negotiation techniques in complex contract environments. Mohammed shares his insights on how to use visualisation and empathy to bridge the gap between parties and achieve win-win outcomes, even in difficult discussions around liquidated damages and penalties.
"In My Shoes"
In negotiation, mutual understanding is often the key to unlocking successful outcomes. The “In My Shoes” technique focuses on helping the other party see the negotiation from your perspective. By using empathy, storytelling, and visualisation, this technique allows you to paint a vivid picture of how decisions affect your business, team, or objectives. It’s not about arguing your point but about creating an understanding that fosters collaboration.
Why Use the “In My Shoes” Technique?
This technique is particularly useful when negotiations hit a standstill or when one side struggles to grasp the significance of certain terms. In many cases, it’s not enough to simply state your needs. The other party may need help visualising the direct impact of their choices on your outcomes. By stepping into your shoes, they can better understand the stakes, leading to more empathetic and effective negotiations.
How It Works:
The core of the “In My Shoes” technique lies in storytelling and visualisation. Here’s how you can apply it:
1. Tell a Story:
Humans connect with stories more than abstract numbers or data points. By framing your negotiation in a real-world context, you can make complex issues easier to digest.
Example:
Imagine you’re negotiating payment terms with a client who wants to extend the payment period to 90 days. You might explain:
“If we agree to 90-day terms, this will significantly affect our cash flow, which means we’ll have to slow down production. This delay could impact your order fulfilment. Instead, let’s compromise at 45 days to ensure a smoother process for both of us.”
2. Use Visualisation:
When you ask someone to “step into my shoes,” you’re asking them to visualise how the negotiation affects you. This technique is especially powerful when dealing with abstract concepts like payment schedules or delivery timelines.
Example:
“Picture yourself managing our finances with 90-day payment terms. We would struggle to cover our supplier costs upfront, which could delay your deliveries. By reducing the terms to 45 days, you ensure that we keep production on track and meet your deadlines.”
3. Highlight Mutual Benefits:
It’s not just about showing your side of the story—it’s about explaining how understanding your position can create a win-win for both parties. This is where you tie your needs to benefits for the other side.
Example:
“If we agree to a 45-day payment term, we can ensure consistent cash flow, which keeps your production moving smoothly. You’ll receive your products faster, and we can focus on maintaining quality without financial strain.”
Harnessing the “In My Shoes” Technique with Negotiation Cards
The “In My Shoes” technique can be a powerful tool in negotiations, helping the other party understand your perspective and fostering mutual understanding. The key to mastering this skill is consistent practice, and that’s where The Negotiation Club and our Negotiation Cards come into play.
How to Improve Your Use of the “In My Shoes” Technique:
- Practice with Purpose: Regular use of our Negotiation Cards helps you develop the ability to craft compelling narratives and visualisations. The more you practice, the better you’ll be at clearly explaining your position.
- Simulate Real Scenarios: At The Negotiation Club, we create realistic negotiation scenarios that challenge you to use the “In My Shoes” technique effectively.
- Develop Strategies: By practicing with negotiation cards focused on the “In My Shoes” technique, you’ll develop strategies to convey your perspective clearly and build empathy.
More Negotiation Techniques
More opportunities to discover Negotiation Skills, Tactics, Techniques and Strategies from 'The Negotiation Club Tactics Page'
Common Pitfalls: Why This Technique Might Fail
Like any negotiation tactic, the “In My Shoes” technique can fail if not applied correctly. Here are some common pitfalls to watch for:
1. Lack of Preparation:
If you don’t have a clear understanding of your own position or fail to prepare a strong, relatable story, the technique may fall flat. Before entering negotiations, ensure you have concrete examples and scenarios that clearly illustrate your point.
2. Unconvincing Storytelling:
If the story you tell doesn’t resonate with the other party, or if it’s too far removed from their interests, they may not engage with your perspective. Make sure your story is grounded in their reality too, helping them relate to the situation you’re describing.
Avoid: Using overly technical language or scenarios that don’t apply to the counterpart’s context.
3. Failure to Connect Emotionally:
The goal is to get the other party to empathise with your situation. If you’re too detached or overly aggressive, you risk alienating them. Emotional Intelligence is key here—read the room, adjust your tone, and be open to their feelings.
4. Overuse or Inappropriate Timing:
If you overuse this technique or try to apply it in the wrong context, the other party may feel manipulated or that you’re trying to guilt them into a decision. Timing is essential—reserve this technique for moments when it can make a real difference in understanding.
5. Lack of Empathy from the Other Party:
Sometimes, the other side simply may not care about your position or see value in empathising. This often happens in highly adversarial or rigid negotiations, especially with larger corporations or government entities bound by strict regulations.
Importance of Practicing at The Negotiation Club
Understanding the theory behind the “In My Shoes” technique is just the first step. Like any negotiation skill, its effective application requires practice. This is where negotiation clubs or practice groups can be invaluable so JOIN OUR CLUB TODAY (30 Day FREE Trial) :
1. Developing Intuition:
Repeated practice helps you develop a natural feel for when and how to build relationships, making it second nature.
2. Building Confidence:
Practicing in a safe environment boosts your confidence to employ these techniques in real-world situations.
3. Receiving Feedback:
Constructive feedback from peers and trainers helps refine your approach, ensuring you can build relationships effectively without compromising your negotiation goals.
4. Adapting to Situations:
Practice allows you to adapt your techniques to different scenarios and personalities, enhancing your flexibility and effectiveness.
Practical Tips for Applying “In My Shoes” Successfully
1. Know Your Audience:
Tailor your stories and examples to what the other party values. If they’re primarily focused on profit margins, emphasise the financial benefits of understanding your position. If they care about timelines, focus on how mutual understanding can expedite delivery.
2. Keep It Simple:
Avoid overly complex examples. The goal is clarity and emotional resonance, not technical mastery. A well-told story is more powerful than a long-winded explanation.
3. Practice Empathy Yourself:
Before asking the other party to step into your shoes, make sure you’ve made an effort to step into theirs. Understanding their needs and concerns will help you frame your story in a way that speaks directly to them.
4. Link to Their Interests:
Tie your perspective back to how it will benefit them. The more they see value in understanding your side, the more likely they are to listen and engage.
5. Be Ready with Alternatives:
If the “In My Shoes” approach doesn’t resonate immediately, have backup plans or compromises ready to propose. You can still use this technique to build rapport and transition to alternative solutions.
Example Scenario: Negotiating Payment Terms
Situation:
You’re negotiating a contract with a client who insists on 90-day payment terms, which could create serious cash flow issues for your business.
How to Apply the “In My Shoes” Technique:
You might explain, “If we agree to these terms, our cash flow will be severely impacted, meaning production could slow down, which will ultimately delay your order. By compromising on 45-day terms, we’ll have the cash we need to keep production running smoothly, ensuring timely delivery for you.”
By helping the client visualise the impact on your operations, you create empathy and set the stage for a mutually beneficial solution.
Building Empathy for Better Outcomes
The “In My Shoes” technique is a powerful tool in any negotiator’s toolkit. By fostering empathy and understanding, it helps turn confrontational negotiations into collaborative problem-solving sessions. Use it strategically and with emotional intelligence to create a shared understanding that benefits both sides. As with any technique, practice makes perfect—so start integrating this approach into your negotiations and see the difference it can make.
